Thursday, April 22, 2010

Gratitude

35. Small groups for girls

36. Grandmothers loving daughters and sons of mine

37. 60-year-old baby pictures that look like 3 month old babies

38. almond milk

39. "I believe..."

40. " I do."

41. "I will."

42. "I'm sorry."

43. cut paper artwork

44. air popped popcorn

45. creamed spinach

46. looking down at pointy cheeks knowing that a smile is birthed

47. glow in the dark stars on ceilings

48. the smell of strawberries

49. turquoise eggs

50. wedding dresses lined up in shop windows

51. crepe myrtle tree trunks

52. the tapping of woodpeckers hidden in the trees

53. old bricks

54. glass door knobs

55. stemless wineglasses

56. occupied bird houses

57. voicemails from unexpected friends

58. the smell of spring

59. technicolor azaleas

60. Earthday crafts

That Girl

My daughters thunder up the stairs to the computer from their small group bible study and started frantically clicking. With red-rimmed eyes they gathered together, the glow from the screen illuminating their adolescent faces: round, doe-eyed, uneven skin, artfully messy flat-ironed hair. Their intensity and single mindedness to see the video was surprising... their silence while watching it was shocking in the usual din that surrounds 12 year old girls. Big doings. I peek over their shoulders. Ah, yes. The Lifehouse skit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

In short the young woman in the skit was shown around creation by Christ, delighting in the perfecting of being His. She was then was wooed from his side by drugs, alcohol, and idolatry. Victoriously Jesus slays them all to get back his beloved and be reunited with her... Soft sobbing escapes the center of the huddle while hovering at the edge silent tears spilled down cheeks- no thought given to the painstakingly applied makeup. Seeing Jesus fighting for His child in the skit eclipsed all vanity.

My heart lurches as I praise Him who loved me enough to save me from the life I led as a young woman not dissimilar from the life of the woman in the skit that they now watch. Will I ever tell them how far from the Lord I was when he met me there? The lonliness and darkness I lived with? Will I explain the miracle that happened when shame was banished from my life by God's powerful hand? Do I tell them about the girl I was before I became a new creation in Him? I breathpray to my God thanksgiving that the girls GET THAT JESUS WILL FIGHT FOR THEM. He is so faithful- I pray they will not have to go to the struggles that the woman in the video does... May they never stray from His side I plead in my mind.

The screen dims and in the heartbeats that follow, the house in usual before-bed chaos seems over loud. The three girls are statue-still. Until A. places her hand on the mouse. She clicks play. There is nothing better than watching your hero rescue the girl- again.

Someday I will tell them that I was that girl.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Gratitude Community

I am joining this great group today... The Gratitude Community. 1000 gifts I am thankful for.

holy experience


1. The sweet slumber of a newborn so his mommy can read and type and pray

2. the whir and churn of dishes getting washed while my hands remain dry

3. A husband who understands my procrastination

4. A friendly face in a scary place

5. Unexpected pink blossoms on a purple and white azalea

6. A giant table around which our giant family celebrates the end of the day at dinner

7. sketch books

8. Black pens with flowing ink ready to indulge my verse or sketch

9. 12 year old handwriting Proverbs 3:5-6 on the fridge today

10. my 11 year old deciding sarcasm was not good

11. smooth wooden banisters

12. pictures of "us" before we married

13. NOT "forsaking meeting together as some are in the habit of doing"

14. Chocolate + salt

15. Boosta in my hair

16. mommy facial=steaming pasta swishing in the colander

17. babies in hats

18. babies swaddled in green like a pea pod

19. Money feet

20 "yogrit"

21. double dimples

22. "double trouble" said by my double year old

23. leather seats with seat warmers (so the best)

24. a warm car cockpit on a cool spring day

25. daughters cleaning up dinner singing praises to God together

26. the slant of sun through the new maple leaves still shiny and dark from their birth

27. physical tiredness from a good, hard walk

28. spoonbread- all the golden, sweet softness of it. True comfort food.

29. "you don't look like a woman who just gave birth..." (oh DO say that again please!!)

30. neighbors bringing over cake for your kids after watching them do their chores together

31. Crystal vases

32. Cardamom with coffee

33. the truths of God's word daily brought home for me

34. memorizing Eph 2: 8-9 with my dear A. girl (who learned it before me!)

35. Giant strawberries.

Not by works...

The birthday party was already forgotton. The special cupcakes, the surpise balloons, the crafts painfully researched and made with the laughter over the innovations of the various artists, the homemade muffins for breakfast... the efforts I went to make her day special are all but forgotten today. Today she is sick, bored and morose confined to her room due to our "home sick" policy of quarantine. She directs her anger at me for our policy, and I recognize the machinations made evident on her face as she compares our home's workings to her mom's home a state away. As her step mom I cannot earn her love and stockpile it in a bank as a mother or father can in seemingly limitless supply. Over and over again I need to learn the lesson to labor for as for Christ- not for man (or little girl or boy, or husband or for my pride) and not to be get my feelings hurt so easily.

Humbled, knowing that God disciplines those he loves with these little life's lessons, I move on to love those he has placed in my life and in my family in his wisdom another day. I must satisfy myself with the Lord, remembering it is not by works that I am saved or gain His favor- buy his mercy and grace. So today I will offer a dear sweet girl grace as she grows in her own way, on her own time table. I hope that in years ahead she will remember her sleepover party and the fun she had- and the way she felt loved.