An early morning tomorrow- a mission to begin. I wonder how this first mission trip will change this 13 year-old boy turning man? I will need to be content with the few scraps of rememberings he will share when he returns... the frustrations of parents desperate for knowledge.
Matthew 7:18-20 (New International Version)
A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
to be grateful for:
65. tiny footprints on pavement
66. bobbed hair on four year olds
67. date night
68. shared 12:40 a.m. confidences
69. the intimacy of watching fireworks with a crowd
70. siblings encouraging eachother with song
71. warm sterling silver in hand
72. the Chesapeake Bay's riches
73. picking crabs with family and friends
74. exploring with your kids
75. library drive-thrus
76. in-laws who drive to emergency rooms
77. glowing sunburned cheeks on the playground at dusk
78. rasberry bushes by the side of the road
79. the beautiful perfection on blueberries
80. the sound of bluberries being harvested into plastic buckets
81. dancing and singing to one's husband at a wedding
82. the sweetness of witnessing new love
83. raindrops preserved in grass
My eyes weren't even open yet and I knew something was different.
In the quiet was suspended a green-grey calm. The world seemed somehow more open, more receptive than when I had gone to bed. The rain had come. Outside the bows of the maple dipped the green of her frock low in a graceful cursty while the coarse brown grass stood austerely pointing accusingly up at the dove gray clouds . The patient black-eyed susans nodded their heads ruefully in an "I-told-you-so" way.
Just as the trees were beginning to lose their leaves, the farmers to shake their heads over the failing corn, the tomatoes to cease making blooms the rain came. Just in time and gently the downfall replenished the earth and the hopes of those in it.
Isn't this how God works so often? In our lives here in the world we live in desperate dust-bowls of circumstances thirsting for rest, or justice, or fulfillment. Just at the time when we can't seem to do it on our own any longer we look up- placing our situations and pains into our Father's hands and he has his way with us and replenishes us with his care and Spirit.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Gratitude Community Post
61. scents of honeysuckle and wild rose
62. the ccack of golf ball against club
63. watching Big Boy in the batting cages
64. acceleration
62. the ccack of golf ball against club
63. watching Big Boy in the batting cages
64. acceleration
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Sometimes I wonder...
"I don't know how you do it. I only have ___ children and I can barely handle that!"
I do not exist as a source from which you should yourself feel inadequate. I have no idea how to handle this comment with grace- one that I hear at least twice a week. I offer that only by God's grace can I get through- or that yes! I am blessed! I smile and move on, I even offer that God gives us all just what he know we need. Yes- I have a ton of kids, a busy life with many activities- true. But I am not around to make you feel bad about yourself.
"You have HOW MANY KIDS??? WHY?"
Really? You just asked me what? No conversation necessary. I walk.
"Did you always want a large family?/ Are you from a large family yourself?
No. No.
"Boy, have you got your hands full!"
Yup. Sure do- and my heart, and my house, and my 15 passenger van, and my table and I count it all blessing!
"Uh, do you all have a t.v.?/Don't you know how this happens?"
I am sorry that your love life is not as active as you would like, but please refrain from speaking about mine to me. Thanks.
Are you done yet?
None of your business. When God is done with me we are done.
I do not exist as a source from which you should yourself feel inadequate. I have no idea how to handle this comment with grace- one that I hear at least twice a week. I offer that only by God's grace can I get through- or that yes! I am blessed! I smile and move on, I even offer that God gives us all just what he know we need. Yes- I have a ton of kids, a busy life with many activities- true. But I am not around to make you feel bad about yourself.
"You have HOW MANY KIDS??? WHY?"
Really? You just asked me what? No conversation necessary. I walk.
"Did you always want a large family?/ Are you from a large family yourself?
No. No.
"Boy, have you got your hands full!"
Yup. Sure do- and my heart, and my house, and my 15 passenger van, and my table and I count it all blessing!
"Uh, do you all have a t.v.?/Don't you know how this happens?"
I am sorry that your love life is not as active as you would like, but please refrain from speaking about mine to me. Thanks.
Are you done yet?
None of your business. When God is done with me we are done.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Protecting our wishes
"Your will, not mine, Lord." I whisper as I swirl lingering concerns in my mind over our children. "Your future that only you can see is what I wish for my dear hearts!" I profess to Him who knows that I am only partially telling the truth...
I have dreams for my children, things I wish for them. I pray for God to have his way with them- to give them what they need, no matter what that may be, while I inwardly cringe, even praying against those very "growth opportunities." I know that it is in the valleys of life where we grow, where we strive toward the hill and arrive stronger. I hate to think of my children having to be dredged through the mire to ultimately gain wisdom. In a secret place in my heart I hide my selfish ambition for their futures: the sweet blossom-framed vignettes replete with smiles, great loves, fulfilling occupations. The world has obstructed my true desire for their future. And so I confess to you all that I want it all for them. I will protect my wish.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Gratitude
35. Small groups for girls
36. Grandmothers loving daughters and sons of mine
37. 60-year-old baby pictures that look like 3 month old babies
38. almond milk
39. "I believe..."
40. " I do."
41. "I will."
42. "I'm sorry."
43. cut paper artwork
44. air popped popcorn
45. creamed spinach
46. looking down at pointy cheeks knowing that a smile is birthed
47. glow in the dark stars on ceilings
48. the smell of strawberries
49. turquoise eggs
50. wedding dresses lined up in shop windows
51. crepe myrtle tree trunks
52. the tapping of woodpeckers hidden in the trees
53. old bricks
54. glass door knobs
55. stemless wineglasses
56. occupied bird houses
57. voicemails from unexpected friends
58. the smell of spring
59. technicolor azaleas
60. Earthday crafts
36. Grandmothers loving daughters and sons of mine
37. 60-year-old baby pictures that look like 3 month old babies
38. almond milk
39. "I believe..."
40. " I do."
41. "I will."
42. "I'm sorry."
43. cut paper artwork
44. air popped popcorn
45. creamed spinach
46. looking down at pointy cheeks knowing that a smile is birthed
47. glow in the dark stars on ceilings
48. the smell of strawberries
49. turquoise eggs
50. wedding dresses lined up in shop windows
51. crepe myrtle tree trunks
52. the tapping of woodpeckers hidden in the trees
53. old bricks
54. glass door knobs
55. stemless wineglasses
56. occupied bird houses
57. voicemails from unexpected friends
58. the smell of spring
59. technicolor azaleas
60. Earthday crafts
That Girl
My daughters thunder up the stairs to the computer from their small group bible study and started frantically clicking. With red-rimmed eyes they gathered together, the glow from the screen illuminating their adolescent faces: round, doe-eyed, uneven skin, artfully messy flat-ironed hair. Their intensity and single mindedness to see the video was surprising... their silence while watching it was shocking in the usual din that surrounds 12 year old girls. Big doings. I peek over their shoulders. Ah, yes. The Lifehouse skit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
In short the young woman in the skit was shown around creation by Christ, delighting in the perfecting of being His. She was then was wooed from his side by drugs, alcohol, and idolatry. Victoriously Jesus slays them all to get back his beloved and be reunited with her... Soft sobbing escapes the center of the huddle while hovering at the edge silent tears spilled down cheeks- no thought given to the painstakingly applied makeup. Seeing Jesus fighting for His child in the skit eclipsed all vanity.
My heart lurches as I praise Him who loved me enough to save me from the life I led as a young woman not dissimilar from the life of the woman in the skit that they now watch. Will I ever tell them how far from the Lord I was when he met me there? The lonliness and darkness I lived with? Will I explain the miracle that happened when shame was banished from my life by God's powerful hand? Do I tell them about the girl I was before I became a new creation in Him? I breathpray to my God thanksgiving that the girls GET THAT JESUS WILL FIGHT FOR THEM. He is so faithful- I pray they will not have to go to the struggles that the woman in the video does... May they never stray from His side I plead in my mind.
The screen dims and in the heartbeats that follow, the house in usual before-bed chaos seems over loud. The three girls are statue-still. Until A. places her hand on the mouse. She clicks play. There is nothing better than watching your hero rescue the girl- again.
Someday I will tell them that I was that girl.
In short the young woman in the skit was shown around creation by Christ, delighting in the perfecting of being His. She was then was wooed from his side by drugs, alcohol, and idolatry. Victoriously Jesus slays them all to get back his beloved and be reunited with her... Soft sobbing escapes the center of the huddle while hovering at the edge silent tears spilled down cheeks- no thought given to the painstakingly applied makeup. Seeing Jesus fighting for His child in the skit eclipsed all vanity.
My heart lurches as I praise Him who loved me enough to save me from the life I led as a young woman not dissimilar from the life of the woman in the skit that they now watch. Will I ever tell them how far from the Lord I was when he met me there? The lonliness and darkness I lived with? Will I explain the miracle that happened when shame was banished from my life by God's powerful hand? Do I tell them about the girl I was before I became a new creation in Him? I breathpray to my God thanksgiving that the girls GET THAT JESUS WILL FIGHT FOR THEM. He is so faithful- I pray they will not have to go to the struggles that the woman in the video does... May they never stray from His side I plead in my mind.
The screen dims and in the heartbeats that follow, the house in usual before-bed chaos seems over loud. The three girls are statue-still. Until A. places her hand on the mouse. She clicks play. There is nothing better than watching your hero rescue the girl- again.
Someday I will tell them that I was that girl.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Gratitude Community
I am joining this great group today... The Gratitude Community. 1000 gifts I am thankful for.
1. The sweet slumber of a newborn so his mommy can read and type and pray
2. the whir and churn of dishes getting washed while my hands remain dry
3. A husband who understands my procrastination
4. A friendly face in a scary place
5. Unexpected pink blossoms on a purple and white azalea
6. A giant table around which our giant family celebrates the end of the day at dinner
7. sketch books
8. Black pens with flowing ink ready to indulge my verse or sketch
9. 12 year old handwriting Proverbs 3:5-6 on the fridge today
10. my 11 year old deciding sarcasm was not good
11. smooth wooden banisters
12. pictures of "us" before we married
13. NOT "forsaking meeting together as some are in the habit of doing"
14. Chocolate + salt
15. Boosta in my hair
16. mommy facial=steaming pasta swishing in the colander
17. babies in hats
18. babies swaddled in green like a pea pod
19. Money feet
20 "yogrit"
21. double dimples
22. "double trouble" said by my double year old
23. leather seats with seat warmers (so the best)
24. a warm car cockpit on a cool spring day
25. daughters cleaning up dinner singing praises to God together
26. the slant of sun through the new maple leaves still shiny and dark from their birth
27. physical tiredness from a good, hard walk
28. spoonbread- all the golden, sweet softness of it. True comfort food.
29. "you don't look like a woman who just gave birth..." (oh DO say that again please!!)
30. neighbors bringing over cake for your kids after watching them do their chores together
31. Crystal vases
32. Cardamom with coffee
33. the truths of God's word daily brought home for me
34. memorizing Eph 2: 8-9 with my dear A. girl (who learned it before me!)
35. Giant strawberries.
1. The sweet slumber of a newborn so his mommy can read and type and pray
2. the whir and churn of dishes getting washed while my hands remain dry
3. A husband who understands my procrastination
4. A friendly face in a scary place
5. Unexpected pink blossoms on a purple and white azalea
6. A giant table around which our giant family celebrates the end of the day at dinner
7. sketch books
8. Black pens with flowing ink ready to indulge my verse or sketch
9. 12 year old handwriting Proverbs 3:5-6 on the fridge today
10. my 11 year old deciding sarcasm was not good
11. smooth wooden banisters
12. pictures of "us" before we married
13. NOT "forsaking meeting together as some are in the habit of doing"
14. Chocolate + salt
15. Boosta in my hair
16. mommy facial=steaming pasta swishing in the colander
17. babies in hats
18. babies swaddled in green like a pea pod
19. Money feet
20 "yogrit"
21. double dimples
22. "double trouble" said by my double year old
23. leather seats with seat warmers (so the best)
24. a warm car cockpit on a cool spring day
25. daughters cleaning up dinner singing praises to God together
26. the slant of sun through the new maple leaves still shiny and dark from their birth
27. physical tiredness from a good, hard walk
28. spoonbread- all the golden, sweet softness of it. True comfort food.
29. "you don't look like a woman who just gave birth..." (oh DO say that again please!!)
30. neighbors bringing over cake for your kids after watching them do their chores together
31. Crystal vases
32. Cardamom with coffee
33. the truths of God's word daily brought home for me
34. memorizing Eph 2: 8-9 with my dear A. girl (who learned it before me!)
35. Giant strawberries.
Not by works...
The birthday party was already forgotton. The special cupcakes, the surpise balloons, the crafts painfully researched and made with the laughter over the innovations of the various artists, the homemade muffins for breakfast... the efforts I went to make her day special are all but forgotten today. Today she is sick, bored and morose confined to her room due to our "home sick" policy of quarantine. She directs her anger at me for our policy, and I recognize the machinations made evident on her face as she compares our home's workings to her mom's home a state away. As her step mom I cannot earn her love and stockpile it in a bank as a mother or father can in seemingly limitless supply. Over and over again I need to learn the lesson to labor for as for Christ- not for man (or little girl or boy, or husband or for my pride) and not to be get my feelings hurt so easily.
Humbled, knowing that God disciplines those he loves with these little life's lessons, I move on to love those he has placed in my life and in my family in his wisdom another day. I must satisfy myself with the Lord, remembering it is not by works that I am saved or gain His favor- buy his mercy and grace. So today I will offer a dear sweet girl grace as she grows in her own way, on her own time table. I hope that in years ahead she will remember her sleepover party and the fun she had- and the way she felt loved.
Humbled, knowing that God disciplines those he loves with these little life's lessons, I move on to love those he has placed in my life and in my family in his wisdom another day. I must satisfy myself with the Lord, remembering it is not by works that I am saved or gain His favor- buy his mercy and grace. So today I will offer a dear sweet girl grace as she grows in her own way, on her own time table. I hope that in years ahead she will remember her sleepover party and the fun she had- and the way she felt loved.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, March 23, 2009
It is hard not to feel completely disheartened at times. I am a step-parent who has a ton to handle with fall-out from my step-kids mom and its effect on little people I love. I am a homeschooling mom to girls with some learning challenges and it is slow progress sometimes. I am tired a lot of the time. Small things keep me afloat- sunshine, good deeds my children do, love they share with me and with each other, the kindness of a dear husband, the commitment of my wonderful mother and the sweetness of close friends.
Of course there are big things that keep me up and that is my Lord. He knows where I am. He know the desires of my heart and I know his promise to me to never leave me nor forsake me. What a mighty God I serve who daily answers my whimpers in big and real ways. If only I had the energy and consistency to journal his constancy and faithfulness to me, the least of his servants...
Of course there are big things that keep me up and that is my Lord. He knows where I am. He know the desires of my heart and I know his promise to me to never leave me nor forsake me. What a mighty God I serve who daily answers my whimpers in big and real ways. If only I had the energy and consistency to journal his constancy and faithfulness to me, the least of his servants...
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