The birthday party was already forgotton. The special cupcakes, the surpise balloons, the crafts painfully researched and made with the laughter over the innovations of the various artists, the homemade muffins for breakfast... the efforts I went to make her day special are all but forgotten today. Today she is sick, bored and morose confined to her room due to our "home sick" policy of quarantine. She directs her anger at me for our policy, and I recognize the machinations made evident on her face as she compares our home's workings to her mom's home a state away. As her step mom I cannot earn her love and stockpile it in a bank as a mother or father can in seemingly limitless supply. Over and over again I need to learn the lesson to labor for as for Christ- not for man (or little girl or boy, or husband or for my pride) and not to be get my feelings hurt so easily.
Humbled, knowing that God disciplines those he loves with these little life's lessons, I move on to love those he has placed in my life and in my family in his wisdom another day. I must satisfy myself with the Lord, remembering it is not by works that I am saved or gain His favor- buy his mercy and grace. So today I will offer a dear sweet girl grace as she grows in her own way, on her own time table. I hope that in years ahead she will remember her sleepover party and the fun she had- and the way she felt loved.
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