My Baby

Like grains of sand
The brevity of your babyhood
Sifts through my fingers.
I cannot freeze time-
And while I don’t think I would wish to
STOP
TIME
Altogether, I sometimes wish to travel through it.
Back to sweet moments of a freshly bathed head on my shoulder
The pat, pat of your chubby hands on my arm
That first chuckle…
Other times I predict into the future-
“she will be a spirited child, a strong-willed wonder”

Today I gaze mesmerized by your tiny hands,
dimpled knuckles grasping at toys, books
your copper highlighted head angled intently toward paper.
acutely aware of the twinge I feel in my gut
melancholy
Already I mourn the loss of you as a baby
I watch you- try to paint you on a cellular level,
Your fiery will , your smile, your softness
The sound of your toddling feet, your giggle
lest I grow old and forget
you as My Baby

What Jesus Does for You

"Lucky" 7

The number "7" has always figured prominently in my life. As a young soccer player I always attempted to score the jersey with a 7. If I had to choose a number between 1 and 10, it was a no brainer: 7. Jesus used 7 too, which as a youngster I always felt was important- he instructed that one is to forgive 70 times 7. I even have a color associated with the number: a bright emerald green. (Though to be fair I associate most numbers with colors: 2 is red, 3 is blue, 5 is yellow...) While I have never attributed any magical powers to 7 I have always thought of it as "my" number. Dunno why. Of course there are some people who REALLY like the number as they are actually naming their children after the number- bizarre. Perhaps they know something that I do not?)

I never realized just how special the number 7 would be. This year ('07) we welcomed our 7th child. I was happy to meet his dear self, and felt just fine with this perhaps being our "finale" addition. While I don't claim to know God's will for our life with regard to family number I feel good about this lovely 7th child. 5 girls framed between 2 boy book ends. Neat and tidy- utterly unreflected in the rest of our life- and wonderful.

One frustration that I will always have is the constant comments from others insisting that this surely "must" be our last child. Why would a complete stranger care about my family composition and number? Perhaps they just can't see how lucky* we are with 7.

*when I say lucky I am actually saying blessed....

reaping & sowing

A wise woman discussed the seasons of life with me the other day.

After I had caught her up on the doings in our rambunctious household she explained to me how my husband and I were in the summer of our lifetime. We were working hard, and as the Chinese might say, willingly eating bitterness. Bent over in our fields toiling, we barely have time to wipe the bit of sweat off our brow so busy were we sowing. We plant the seeds of righteousness in our household, in our children, we nurture the growth we see as well as prepare for the fruit we expect to yield, encouraging it along the way. The dear lady explained that she and her husband, empty nesters, were in the fall of their life- they were reaping the bounty for which they worked so hard for- their great kids were turning into competent, interesting and responsible adults, their businesses were going well and affording them the opportunity to travel to see loved ones and they were having a great time as a couple. But none of this would have been possible without the hard work, patience and perseverance during the summer of their life.

Recently she had visited family and was witnessing to me what winter looks like. Her in-laws, now in their 80’s, had braved many terrible storms together: war, deaths of loved ones, immigration from Europe, miscarriages, and now perhaps the most terrible one, Alzheimer’s. After dinner one evening this man and wife sat close to one another and watched slides of their life together- over 60 years of togetherness and hard work. The images they looked upon were much younger versions of themselves and their now middle-aged children and diseased parents. The wise woman commented that it was in the winter of our lives that we needed the filled storehouses from which to draw. We reap what we sow.

I pray that we are sowing a hearty harvest together, my husband and I, as we keep our heads down working hard with sweat dripping off of our brow.

sweet baby

i cherish every moment with you.

now and away

Dearest baby boy
What shall we call you?
What will you be?
Who shall you resemble?
It remains to be seen

I have not yet met you,
Yet a few things I know
You will be loved
And cherished besides
A desired member of our tribe

The world that you enter
Is much less than perfect
(Not the one I would choose)
But we are here, and soon you too
To share this existence as best we can

For a time- just a small time
You will be safe- cradled by my side
I’ll teach you and love you
And ready you to fly
Strong and straight away

work in progress

I live in a house with hearts on the window
and
L
O
V
E
on the door.

graceful ladies in blue kimonos
climb up stairs with fans in their hands
the red heart of a home blooms
with flowers from outside the window
gifts, offered from tightly clutched fists,
stubby stems , flowers of white, fushia, pink

voyagers from kingdoms afar troop restlessly
through these hallowed doorways.
supplies tossed hastily aside
in favor of lemonade,
crinkly packages, and colored tubes of ice
these provisions secreted in pockets
the unconsumed remains of which appear in the laundry room linter
gooey, unrecognizable except for the plastic wrapping

shoes left disgraced in doorways
point in the direction of their owners
while socks strike out solo, all over
happy to be delivered from sweaty feet-prison

gardens outside roam unchecked
threaten to encroach indoors
a princess tree, unhindered, climbs to the parapets
reaching for 4 little princess’s windows on the 2nd floor
a ladder of green


sounds of life:
tinkle and clang,
giggle and screech,
thump and bang.

children everywhere

Too Much and Very Many

That is what I have: too much and very many. I am blessed by a great deal of things- materially and spritually. We have many children and a decently sized, beautiful home that fits our family. This also constitutes a great deal to clean and manage. There are many birthday cakes to make, smiles to savor and fights to referee, and never enough band aids for the boos boos- both real and imagined. Right now there is too much heat, and I have too much baby in me to deal with all this heat and an un-air conditioned minivan in which I have taken 2.5 million whole-lotta trips today. With a 1 year old in tow.

This evening I have a great many papers sitting on the school table behind me. Semi-organized but not good enough for the homeschool review I have tomorrow at 10 am, after I drop kids off at camp and pick up the babysitter, take her to our house and set out to my appointment. Inside this box by my right knew are a whole ton of files on the hard drive for me to print out to show our field trips, art projects and whatnot. Unfortunately I do NOT have much ink for the printer left. I also am short on the energy and tenacity required to slay this organizational Goliath by midnight when I assume I will expire. I running out of space in my body for this too- big baby- measure 4 weeks ahead of where I should be given my due date. Too little of me. Deep breath. (Getting out my sling shot…)

my goal for my children is “Heaven, not Harvard”

this is not to say that Harvard is not an option, I would be happy to assist them in pursuit of an educational goal. However, my goal for my babies is that they gain a Kingdom- not just a diploma and fancy tassel.

Is Heaven and church in the same league with piano lessons and soccer and karate and doing well at school? Is it just another thing to do? Another "activity?" We all have to keep on top of our goals for our family- assessing them almost daily, to be sure that we are honoring our responsibilities.

Rarely do I have even a few moments anymore to write in this blog- not that I don’t take the time to check other peoples! Perhaps I simply find their sharing more interesting than my own musings.

According to my doctor (and my self-appointed Dr. Husband) I am supposed to be resting more- evidently having 2 babies so close together isn’t so easy on the body (or the psyche). So while I have had to “rest” more, and forgo any further thoughts of even short vacations, MUCH to my chagrin and sadness, I have been delighted to journey to India, Massachusetts, Peking, Mexico City, Chicago and Buenos Aires through the pages of books. I delight in the library we have, and take great joy in celebrating the creativity of talented writers. I am intrigued by the literature of Indian ex-pats, specifically that their poetic and often lithe writing is laden with family obsession and dysfunction and often contrast the contemporary Indian family with the westernized family unit. In contrast the relatively formal writing of the Indian natives, I have also taken a shine to the casual, storytelling styles of some of the Latino writers that I am just discovering. I get lost in the sensual descriptions of place and home, the intense passion of the lovers, and the centrality of familia.

Besides the reading- I have not included the reading I have been doing on the emerging church, and the persecuted church in the world- both of which are fascinating, I have also been distracted by upcoming milestones. A first milestone- my youngest daughter’s 1st birthday is coming this week, and I have to say that I am grateful to be pregnant because this first year celebration has taken me aback- so soon my baby has turned into a toddler! Another set of birthdays are coming as well- my impossibly beautiful daughters will soon be 9, and are quite the perfect ladies. I am so proud of their behavior, and so grateful for their dear, pure, hearts. They and their siblings inspire me to make a good life in this home- to nurture this garden that the children planted here may grow strong.

I am in the dreamland of my life. This is not to say that my life is perfect- there are always wrinkles in even the best ironed of cloth- but I am perfectly blessed. My life is not how I envisioned it. There are many more bodies involved, many more complicated circumstances surrounding, well, everything. But there are the summer nights with candle light illuminating upturned faces as they tell stories, and soft breezes and twilights, and so much laughter- and the love of a good man. So very grateful I am- for the kindness of strangers, the dependability of family and friends, and for the blessings of turmoil that helps us to chart our course carefully and deliberately with God as our true north.

Bee careful...

(Credit: Scott Bauer, USDA/Agricultural Research Services)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoGY1FjdiH8

Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) is the name that has been given to the latest, and what seems to be the most serious, die-off of honey bee colonies across the country. It is characterized by, sudden colony death with a lack of adult bees in/in front of the dead-outs.

As of February 2007, many of the beekeepers reporting heavy losses associated with CCD are large commercial migratory beekeepers, some of who have lost 50-90% of their colonies. Surviving colonies are often so weak that they are not viable pollinating or honey producing units.

Two-time Pulitzer Prize winner for science, Edward O. Wilson writes -“As extinction spreads, some of the lost forms prove to be keystone species, whose disappearance brings down other species and triggers a ripple effect through the demographics of the survivors. The loss of a keystone species is like a drill accidentally striking a power line. It causes lights to go out all over.” The Diversity of Life

Serious stuff- bees are responsible for pollination of our FOOD. Why is the media so sluggish to report on this?? Honey bees are vital to life as we know it and there is virtually NO press. This same phenomena first noted in Pennsylvania has been reported in Germany, Spain and Portugal, the U.K. and Guatemala. It is hard to imagine the TREMENDOUS economic shock this will send around the world from loss of food and a hit economy.

Check out the crops affected: apples, peaches, soybeans, pears, pumpkins, cucumbers, cherries, raspberries, blackberries and strawberries, squash and nuts.

The researchers are looking into various things that may have caused this- but not the large use of genetically modified (GM) crops. Hmmm. I am hoping that an independent non-governmental organization comes forward to look into this- hello- Europe? Are you out there to do this service for the world? The GM industry is such a Goliath in the U.S. that I fear little headway can actually be made here.

Additional information can be found here: http://maarec.cas.psu.edu/ColonyCollapseDisorder.html

Nursery Rhymes

There was an old woman

Who lived in a shoe;

She had so many children,

She didn't know what to do.

She gave them some broth,

Without any bread;

She whipped them all soundly,

And sent them to bed.

There was an old woman… of course it couldn't be moi- I am FAR to young to be OLD... ha!

Recently upon finding out that I am with child, again, a certain person inquired when I would be moving into a shoe… I had to chuckle. I remember as a child thinking what a horrid poem it was. I never expected to love so much so many dear ones. Each of them is a source of delight. This evening the air was slightly warmer than the preceding weeks and the children were on fire to run, scooter, blade and bike outdoors. Soon other things beckoned.

We have a generous helping of grape hyacinth along the front of our home and one of our bushes, the regal Andromeda is flowering as well. Forsythia has loudly announced its arrival in a show of spiky yellow- and much to the kids delight- all flowers were well within reach of small hands and scissors. One of the kiddettes had the great idea to sell petite bouquets of these spring delights to our neighbors. I encouraged them to spread the love- a grand idea, but for FREE…With shrieks of delight and a great deal of creativity and foil to hold the fragile stems in position were the bouquets delivered to my indulgent neighbors.

After an evening of such revelery and fun I hardly had to whip a single one into bed, as they each and everyone had visions of flowers and gentle, creative play to coddle them to sleep- and not in a stinky old shoe either…

Hokie sadness...

I am still reeling from the Virginia Tech shootings. As a student I remember feeling utterly safe as I traversed the drill field and made my new home cozy by building a loft in my dorm room. I remember being awed by the scale of the campus that quickly became manageable due to a mountain bike and familiarity with buildings. I relished my independence in making decisions without my parent’s immediate input- where, what and how I would study, what I would eat for dinner, who to be friends with and where to go to parties. This is a place where hippies, punks, jocks and band kids interacted easily- where the international students seemed to feel and accepted. My heart breaks for the families, for the faculty and staff and most of all for the lost innocence of the entire community. The citizens of Blacksburg are a softhearted but gritty-strong people who embrace the students as one of their own.
At first I felt outrage at the needless atrocity. Here were a bunch of kids- the bloom of life is never so robust as that of a college student coming into their own and pursing their first passions, finding their own voice. To have such a life curtailed is truly a tragedy. Now a deep sadness pervades my spirit over all that has been lost.
Sitting with my father recently, we traded war stories about our previous week. So much sadness, hurt and heartache-- all very real and worthy of the angst produced in both of our psyches. Yet I have the assurance that in the morning it will feel just a bit better and not seem nearly as dark and oppressive as the evening before. This man who shot these young adults did not have that perspective. If seems a crime to feel that desperate and lonely. With whom did he have relationships with? Was there a group of people to help ground him? Was he aware of the healing and grace that can come only through our Lord Jesus? As a parent I can only imagine the hurt and longing that his parents must feel for their son. My prayers are with them. May our children never have to go through this.

a new favorite quote

Gwen Ifill on the Don Imus fiasco

"So here’s what this voice has to say for people who cannot grasp the notion of picking on people their own size: This country will only flourish once we consistently learn to applaud and encourage the young people who have to work harder just to achieve balance on the unequal playing field."

Gwen Ifill is a senior correspondent for “The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer” and the moderator of “Washington Week.”

Encouragement

...it comes in many forms, but lately via blogs and forums. We have a large family and, as my children enjoy describing to anyone who will lend an ear, we are expecting again in August. The forums rock: where else can one ask in all seriousness- "How do you organize 12 people's socks?" Where else dare you ask if they have a family closet? (What is a family closet you ask? Look it up yourself as we don't have one here!) I have been called a saint twice in the last week- why? So interesting to hear other's perspectives on family size and rearing.

Simply knowing that there are others who battle the sock genie, wish for the laundry fairy to visit and obsess over how to feed, clothe and home teach many small persons on a budget bolsters my sense of well being. Heck, I even feel good enough that I am able to heft the large crock pot off the shelf and make yet another one pot meal, mostly organic, from scratch.
I am not looking for awards, just peace and love in my humble abode.

Discussing my upcoming sonogram a friend asked why I might not wish to find out the sex of our child. I mentioned that this 7th baby might be the last and I wanted it to be a surprise. Shocked she asked- MIGHT be your last??? She kindly advised all the birth control options available. Well, I think we are finished after this, but God hasn't told me flat out yet. I will wait on him. In the meantime I will cruise the forums, read the blogs, and pray for rest and sanity.

Hamster Charged- I love creative Kids...

Hamster-powered phone charger
A 16-year-old boy invented a hamster-powered mobile phone charger as part of his GCSE science project. Peter Ash, of Lawford, Somerset, attached a generator to his hamster's exercise wheel and connected it to his phone charger. Elvis does the legwork while Peter charges his phone in an economically and environmentally friendly way. He came up with the idea after his sister Sarah complained that Elvis was keeping her awake at night by playing for hours on his exercise wheel.
"I thought the wheel could be made to do something useful so I connected a system of gears and a turbine," he said.
"Every two minutes Elvis spends on his wheel gives me about thirty minutes talk time on my phone."
The teenage inventor was given a C for his project and has been awarded a D overall for the course.

Huh?

if you are gonna sin at Krispy Kreme- do it sans the whole grains please.

Lavender Soap

We have some French lavender bar soap in the hopes that it adds a little class and scent to our humble and well-used powder room. Okay, and I just like the smell on my hands.

I rejoiced, as only a mother could, when I looked at it this evening. Red and pink glitter, sparkling hearts, swirled bubble gum pink dye embedded on its surface gave the soap a festive and oh, so Valentin-y flair. THEY REALLY USE SOAP TO WAH THEIR HANDS!! The soap displayed the artifacts of intense Valentine-making activity- a remnant of the day.

I just love LOVE…

Pay attention: Cross the street without your *&^%^& iPod

Okay, like Duh. There are so many people who are simply not paying attention. They are in their own little world and can't for even a minute drag themselves away from their music/cellphone/email- even to CROSS THE STREET_

so a brilliant politician decides that it must be time to introduce a bill; see below

NEW YORK (Reuters) - New Yorkers who blithely cross the street listening to an iPod or talking on a cell phone could soon face a $100 fine.

New York State Sen. Carl Kruger says three pedestrians in his Brooklyn district have been killed since September upon stepping into traffic while distracted by an electronic device. In one case bystanders screamed "watch out" to no avail.

Kruger says he will introduce legislation on Wednesday to ban the use of gadgets such as Blackberry devices and video games while crossing the street.

Tech-consuming New Yorkers trudge to work on sidewalks and subways like an army of drones, appearing to talk to themselves on wireless devices or swaying to seemingly silent tunes.

Talking Breasts

For Dads: ( I play with my baby's food) For Moms: (that's my baby's lunch you're staring at)

The Lactivist's goal is to support nursing moms by "promoting issues like breastfeeding in public, milk bank donation and child-led weaning." You can check the site out at http://www.thelactivist.com/index.html

In her own words she "needed to come up with a business idea at about the same time that I was looking for a way to offer something back to all those hard working breastfeeding moms that helped me get through things. These are the types of shirts that I wished I'd owned during the past year. Hopefully, they'll bring a smile to the face of some other new mom that needs a bit of a pick-me-up to make it through herself.
That's what The Lactivist is all about"

I love the idea of the tshirts for breastfeeding mommies and daddies. She promotes milk banks too. Kudos to her!